Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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