I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
