i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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