We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
