just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
