Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
