she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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