I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
