Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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