Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
