I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
