Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
