Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
