I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
