After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
