Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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