I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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