it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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