HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
