you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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