Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
