Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
