I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
