I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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