he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
