Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
