I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
