ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
