I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
