You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
