dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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