i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
