It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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