My underwear smells like fireworks.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
