After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
not ubering you a puppy
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
