I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
