i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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