Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
