dude i'm inner monologue high
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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