Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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