it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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