Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
