why didn't you poke me back
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
