I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
