these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
