Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
