Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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