Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
