I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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