ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
