Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
