In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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