john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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