If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
