Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
