I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
